Poker and Paint Colors… A rare peek into the minds of men and how men think—then don’t

A true story about paint colors, whiskey glasses and other forbidden topics…

This is a very special LifeUntucked post as I will be revealing a couple of the more subtle peculiarities of manfulness and how men think. There are some subjects men just aren’t comfortable talking about (news flash… story at 11)

Of course, we all know men won’t talk about our feelings without some persistent, yet gentle persuasion… nothing new there.

And most of us don’t like to talk about our past. For me, that’s because people falling asleep while I’m talking tends to hurt the feelings I won’t talk about. (See how I avoided that?)

Then there are topics that start out feeling okay… then it’s gotcha!

When that happens, all you can say is, “I did not see that coming.”

Lanette and I are fortunate that even though we live in the ‘burbs of one of the biggest metro areas in the country (see how I slipped in the word ‘biggest’ when we’re not), our neighborhood is a social one where most everyone knows most everyone else… in a good way.

One of the regular events is when the guys in the ‘hood get together for a game of Texas Hold ‘em. Generally, the highest stakes involved is the nice bottle of Scotch or bourbon the host or last winner provides. And whiskey, as you may know, requires proper glassware.

One evening when I’m hosting the event, one of the more… shall we say manful, although affable guys compliments my whiskey glasses. And I reply simply, “Thanks, they’re from Crate and Barrel.” (OOPS!)

Crap! He didn’t say he wanted to buy some… he just said they’re nice. Remember… guys don’t do shopping.

And if you do, you don’t talk about it. Now here it comes…

“Oh, Jeff shops at Crate and Barrel. Did you pick up some nice curtains too?”

“They don’t sell— (full stop).”

There was one other time when I was hosting poker that was a near crisis of manhood. Now we have a pretty decent group of guys when it comes to good manners, knowing what to say and do in social settings. (Clarification: Beyond sporting events, that is).

And, that may have been what saved me.

We had recently gone bold (for us) and repainted the main floor of the house… each room a different color. With the advice and counsel of one of the interior designers in the neighborhood, we pulled it off without it looking like a Jackson Pollock project.

And here’s the shocking thing…

A bunch of the guys started talking about it over cards! Go figure. 

“I like this room.”

“No, the family room is best.”

“Oh, I like the kitchen.”

Then Alex asks me straight up, “Do you happen to know the color name for the big accent wall?”

Crap! (Now this is getting messy). And as a matter of fact, I did.

Panic. Palpitations. It’s poker, dammit! How do I answer this question and get away with it? Why didn’t he ask about the lower part of the dining room? At least I could lie and say it’s Battleship Grey.

But, I’m stuck. It’s the guys. It’s poker night.

This is surely the end for me. Poker and paint colors just don’t mix. 

How do I utter those words?

Grand Teton by Ralph Lauren

Where are my buddies Ben Moore and Sherm Williams when I need them?

Be untucked

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Copyright © 2019 Jeff Meister