When you come to a place like Santa Fe and stay long enough, you’ll get to know a lot of people who are in later seasons of life. Recently, I was experiencing my version of the good life by simply enjoying the quiet, and a warm breeze when I realized something that caught me a little by surprise.
And that’s at least a little bit ironic because I had just written the words, you can do anything you want to do. I was sitting outside on what we affectionately call the sunrise portal. Being early afternoon, this was the shady side of the house.
It’s ironic because I was beginning to map out a new coaching program for those navigating the time of life where they’ve reached an inflection point where they can choose to do just about anything they want going forward. Then it hit me smack between my eyes…
I realized I had not yet started to “do anything I want to do.”
Sure, we had sold our home, packed up, moved across the country, built the new home we had been planning for years, moved in, settled in, and let out a huge, big collective sigh, followed by the longest ahhhhhh I can remember.
Yes, that’s a good start toward doing what we had planned. But it’s what tends to happen after that point where many of us can get stuck. We dismiss what we planned for and arrived at a destination that left all past bosses, literal and figurative, behind to never disrupt our lives again. Then the big question shows its face—What do I do now?
The answer is as simple as it is scary…
Anything you want—You worked for it and you’ve earned it!
Since we arrived in Santa Fe almost three years ago, I’ve met so many people, mostly men, who don’t know what to do with this newfound freedom. (Apparently, me included).
It doesn’t matter if we’ve planned for it and checked all the boxes along the way. Somehow, arriving at this destination scares the crapola out of us. Again, especially men.
“Welcome! You have arrived at your destination.“
What destination? You know, the one you imagined for yourself decades ago… Back when you were much less afraid to use your imagination. That’s not meant to be a cheap shot either. We all experience this kind of fear.
And it’s not something we get over without some work. When we enter a new season in life, it can be hard to wrap our heads around all that comes with it. I’m not sure if this is because most of us resist change, so we try to deny it when the bigger changes happen.
Maybe it comes from a lifetime of being good, compliant little humans making sure we fit in. It’s the sum total of all the self-imposed expectations and expectations imposed on us.
Am I the only thing stopping me?
This is what you’ve worked for all these years. To do anything you choose!
Hey, wait a minute. Now it’s okay to do whatever I want to do?”
–Me
When I begin coaching a new client, the first exercise we do is to search your memory banks for as many of your past interests, activities, and anything you enjoyed doing so you can rediscover your past passions.
- Then we work on giving yourself permission to revisit some of what life got in the way of pursuing.
- Next, we learn how to let go of old, obsolete advice, rules, and beliefs that are getting in the way.
- After that, we start experimenting and trying things on for size, taking the first few steps to see what it feels like. If it feels right, we keep going. If not, we keep experimenting.
I was having coffee recently with a new friend who is still working professionally “part-time” in another city. I’ve met a lot of guys around here doing the exact same thing.
And get this—he says retired the other part of his time. He describes it as easing into it. “Adjusting” if you will. “If I stop working, I don’t know what my identity will be.”
Your identity can become anything you desire it to be.
If you get anything from this post, get this—You are not your work! What you “do” for a living is not who you are. American men really, really struggle with this. We MAKE our work our identity. You are more than that one thing.
If we unpack the idea of part-time retirement a bit, we usually find that it’s a delay tactic, another form of procrastination. We don’t know what this new season will feel like. How will I fill my days? Will I be bored most of the time? Will I end up climbing the walls?
The great thing about arriving at this age is that I don’t even care about my career anymore.”
–Ron Perlman, actor
Now that’s a mindset to embrace!
People here ask me if I’m retired. I often struggle with that question for a lot of reasons, mostly because I attach negative meanings to the word, which would only become true if I hold back, get in my own way, and fail to do what I’ve dreamed of.
“I guess I am (retired) because I don’t have a single boss ruling my life. And now I’m at a point where I can choose to do anything I want.”
And for me it’s to keep writing and pursue some other interests well-meaning people from my younger years discouraged me from pursuing because you can’t make any money doing those things. That’s another problem–we make way too many choices in this precious life about money.
How about you? What’s your “anything”? What do you want to do?
Go for it, my friend.
Be untucked.
p.s. Know someone who might like this post? Be sure to share it with them. Thanks…
Copyright © 2024 Jeff Meister – All Rights Reserved
Love this one Jeff, well done!
Thank you, Vicky!