Why are people reacting to the pandemic in different ways?

people are reacting to the pandemic in different ways — *Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash*

Why are people reacting to the pandemic in so many different ways? It’s a good question.

I’ve wondered why people appear to be all over the spectrum.

There is a reason, and we’ll be looking into it in this post.

How can someone not get this-is-real? Tonight, this guy on TV says the virus isn’t real with such conviction that I almost want to believe him.

Why are people even more divided over a situation that many see as perfectly clear? Then why are others so ticked off?

Are you feeling unsettled? Anxious? Even mad about some if it?

By this point in life, we’ve all likely suffered more than one significant loss. The thing about loss is this… never gets any easier. But, I’m not so sure it’s supposed to. What would you say?

It’s not hard to think of our current state of affairs purely in terms of loss. Because that’s exactly what it’s comprised of. Loss of life. Big losses. Different losses among different people.

The most obvious, of course would be the loss of a loved one. Even the loss of an acquaintance, someone you sort of know has a palpable impact. Other losses have people hurting as well. Everyone has lost something.

We are all reacting to the pandemic by grieving in one way or another.

We can continue down the list of perceived importance… a job, plans, vacations, outings, activities. Even the loss of basic conveniences, choices, and freedoms are enough to strike the feelings of stress, pressure, and whatever else chooses to come along for the ride.

Wouldn’t you think our differences would go away when our experience is shared? They did after 9/11. Or did it only seem that way?

Do you think we’re all going through the pandemic together? Most of us would say yes. Then why are we all acting so differently? Some are not taking this thing seriously. Why are others so ticked off? Is being inconvenienced such a big ask?

Again, it’s because we’re grieving. Add to it that we’re all processing it at different levels. We are grieving death, but also the loss of freedom to move about, a predictable future, and our lives and roles back when things were, um… normal.

You’ve likely heard of the stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance?

Among the general public, one of the most commonly known and accepted psychological concepts is that grief proceeds in stages.”
—David B. Feldman Ph.D. in Psychology Today

But that’s changed a bit too. Since the five stages of grief were originally defined by death-and-dying expert, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, more recent studies now reveal is the stages don’t follow a rigid pattern or sequence.

Depending on how you slice and dice the stages together, there are at least five. And based on my quick research, some models have as many as eight.

We may skip stages, experience them in different order, or even make up our own. Take that, then stir in a lot of variation in timing. And wait, there’s more! No everyone requires the same level of loss to throw them into the process. The loss of season tickets may be enough. Sound crazy? I agree, it is.

But whoever said we humans make sense?

Let’s take a look at what each of the stages sound like today. Tell me if any of this is familiar. Keep in mind that we’ve all lost something that’s important to us, but in varying degrees. Try not to rank them… clearly our human losses are the greatest and most heartbreaking.

We are also scared, whether we’re conscious of our fear or not. Our individual responses are quite mixed. What we are experiencing together is grief, but we are not aligned in our individual experiences.

Here goes…

Denial. The emotional and intellectual rejection of something clear and obvious. “I don’t have the virus, I feel fine.” Or, “The media can’t let this go, it’s so overblown.”

Anger. Anger is an attempt to gain control over our fears. “This is China’s fault.” And, “The Government is taking away our rights.”

Bargaining. Bargaining happens when we start to see reality more clearly, but we’re trying to negotiate a compromise. “My friends and I aren’t affected; we can tell if someone is sick.” Try, “We’ve followed the rules for two months, it should be safe by now.”

Despair. Reality is setting in and people are feeling powerless. “Life will never be the same.” Or, “I can’t go to work, I’m nearly out of money, what’s going to happen now?”

Acceptance. When we are finally able to surrender to the facts as being real, acceptance occurs. We start thinking about moving forward. “I can’t stop it, but I’ll do what it takes to survive and move on.” And, “Life is different for now, but I’m connecting with friends and family. I’m enjoying the extra time I have at home.”

Please, allow yourself some anger, denial, bargaining, and a bit of despair. Go ahead and grieve. You have earned it. We all have.”
—Robert Weiss, Ph.D., MSW in Psychology Today

We are reacting to the pandemic in different stages of that grief.

Can you see how we’re all reacting to the pandemic in different ways? We’re experiencing it at different levels, with different timing, and with a lot of different variables.

It’s just not going to line up and make sense for a while…

But again, whoever said we humans make sense?

Let’s all strive to do our best to cut each other a little more slack than, um.. normal… as we see this thing through.

Stay safe. Be well. And be untucked.

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