Do our expectations drive a need to change our surroundings?
How often do you find a place, an organization, or an event to be entirely different than you expected? Here’s a companion question—when you do, do you immediately begin to think about how it could or should be changed?
Something that I’ve heard frequently since we moved to Santa Fe is something along the lines of, “Things were just fine here before you showed up. And they’re gonna stay just fine no matter how many things you think ought to be different.”
Maybe that’s why Santa Fe is known as The City Different?
When people ask me, “Why did we choose Santa Fe?” my answer gets kind of wordy before they stop me.
We love the centuries-long history, the multi-cultural diversity, the art scene, (one of the biggest in the US), major award-winning cuisine (found at over two-hundred local restaurants), multitudes of intellectually inspiring learning opportunities, the experience-rich desert and mountain playgrounds, the very L-O-W humidity, and did I mention the over three hundred sunny days per year?”
What’s not to love?
That’s the question… What’s not to love?
Not pulling any punches here, but I could name a few examples of what not to love. There’s the pervasive dust, tumbleweeds, infinite potholes, and the overall lack of, shall we say, curb appeal in some parts.
The thing that’s hard for most of us “transplants,” as we’re not-so-affectionately called, is that life in New Mexico moves at a different pace than most parts of the other 48. Transplants are easy to spot, we’re the ones still in a hurry.
Some things—no, all things—move slower here if they even take place at all. Life happens on mañana time in New Mexico. Maintenance, upkeep, and most repairs may or may not happen in due time.
Why do we expect things to be different when we know they’re not?
Since we had been visiting for over fifteen years, we knew all about Santa Fe and New Mexico before we decided to live here. And we do love living here. Still, I wrestle with my preferences.
Here’s a different twist on what I’m talking about. If you’re the kind of person who likes to go to the islands for a vacation, I’m assuming you go there so you can escape your normal life and chill out on the beach for a week or longer.
Am I right? Yet, I’ve never heard anyone start telling the island locals they ought to be changing things up to be more like California, the East Coast, Texas, or wherever you harken from.
That would be defeating the purpose of going to the islands.
So why do all the transplants come to the Southwest and act like things should be different? I’m not sure either, but I have some ideas. As you may have guessed, the answer centers around our desires, and yes, e-x-p-e-c-t-a-t-i-o-n-s.
We humans have a hardwired desire to change or fix things to our satisfaction. And the target of our desire doesn’t even have to be broken by conventional standards.
Have you ever lived in a neighborhood that was under the authority of a homeowner’s association? I’ve lived in several. I know that might cause you to cringe a little. Call me lucky, but I can say my experience with HOAs has been mostly good.
And I believed in the idea enough to have served fifteen-plus years on a couple of boards of directors.
Why would anyone subject themselves to that?
My answer is simple—I wanted to influence how the Homeowner’s Association affected me personally.
Do you see a theme here? Guilty as charged. No altruistic values here. I like fixing that which is broken. And yes, I want to change the rules to my satisfaction. Sounds like a win-win to me.
So why did I bring up HOAs anyway? Well, it’s another illustration of how we humans think we are entitled to change anything, even when it’s not our thing!
A new neighbor would eagerly move into our neighborhood because they loved how awesome everything looked. The lawns were mowed, the homes were in good repair, and the ‘hood always looked like there was an invisible rug pulling it all together.
Then out of the blue, they would kick and scream and holler about some stupid rule that wouldn’t allow them to paint their alma mater’s mascot on their garage doors. Go figure. “It’s my house and I ought to be able to do whatever-the-hell-I-want-with-it.”
Well, now that you mentioned that, I should point out that you signed some papers at your closing that said you wouldn’t.
I know I’ve asked a bunch of questions in today’s post. (Which, by the way, was written a day late—pretty good for mañana time, I’d say). My goal is to get us both thinking about how our expectations play into our overall satisfaction with life and general our well-being.
Managing our expectations is an important aspect of self-care.
Let’s learn to expect to find people, places, and events, as they are. Actively resist crafting a script or image in your head of how you think something should be—the error rate of this kind of thinking is extremely high.
A very good Santa Fe friend taught us the secret survival phrase to call on anytime we run into another one of those little irritations that might not be the way they were “back home.”
Just tell yourself, “It’s part of the charm!”
And all will be well.
Until next time…
Be untucked.
p.s. Thank you for reading LifeUntucked®. It really means a lot considering you have over 31 million other choices. I strive to make it one of the most helpful and entertaining blogs in cyberspace today. Your thoughts and comments are always welcome!
Copyright © 2024 Jeff Meister – All Rights Reserved
Leave a Reply